"This is not Schindler's B list, I'll tell you," said Billy Crystal, gazing at the crowd crammed into the Beverly Hilton ballroom for American Cinematique's Moving Picture Ball the other night. Honoree Rob Reiner was joined at his table by benefit co-chairs Nora Ephron, Judy and Michael Ovitz, Nicole Kidman in black velvet Chanel and Tom Cruise in Armani. "Of course," said Kidman. "He's the Armani boy."

Trapped in the spotlight, and smiling with what must have been increasing difficulty as the award dinner turned into a roast, Reiner had to listen to a series of unpleasant jokes about his weight, baldness and only box-office disaster, "North."

"Were you drunk?" screamed comedian Jon Lovitz about the movie, in which he co-starred.

The Hollywood no-no of drawing attention to a flop continued when Spinal Tap, the mock-band named after a Reiner film, performed a tune called "Big Bottom." Giant plastic prop buttocks pulsed with light while a dwarf in a "North" T-shirt played tug-of-war with an ample young woman.

In a surprise move near the close of the ceremony, Carl Reiner lay on the dais and his son Rob jumped on top of him in an active embrace -- to prove, they announced, that they love each other more than Kirk Douglas and his son Michael.

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