Dork of the Night -- Richard Avedon. And by the way, Richard, a crotch shot is a crotch shot, even if it is styled by Polly Mellen.

The Drop-Dead Award -- Sigourney Weaver in her red velvet Richard Tyler, and Stephanie Seymour in Chanel.

The $64-Million-Chair Award -- Linda Wachner, who sat next to Calvin Klein.

Launch-of-the-Year Award -- k.d. lang, who wore the vinyl ankle boots she designed and plans to market.

In Lieu of a Fee Award -- Fabien Baron, who designs the CFDA's programs.

Funniest Speech Award -- Rosie O'Donnell, who showed up because she thought "the CFDA was the Cystic Fibrosis Disease Association."

The Very Civil Disobedience Award -- PETA, for protesting so discreetly, hardly anyone knew they were there.

Hippest Post - Show Hangout -- Cafe Tabac, where Christy Turlington, k.d. Lang, Naomi Campbell, Johnny Depp and Kate Moss sat drinking champagne until the early hours.

Best Line of the Night -- Fran Lebowitz, who said of pal Calvin, "Luckily he didn't come to me for the money."

Nostalgia Award -- Judith Leiber, who said of a handbag, "This was done the year the Sputnik went up."

Equal Opportunity Award -- Lesbian Chic ruled the stage.

Stupidest Award -- The sneaker. Every athletic shoe company was represented ... the CFDA must be trolling for dollars.

Silliest Interlude -- The CFDA, for congratulating itself ad nauseam for Seventh on Sixth.

The Get the Hook Award -- Stan Herman. The CFDA's two-minute speech limit obviously didn't apply to the president.

Most Revealing Video -- John Bartlett's, directed by Claudio Droguett. It had more male nudes than the Show Palace.

The Camp Award -- Polly Mellen, who in perfect sex-kitten dialect, observed, "I'm probably the oldest sittings editor in the world."Cutest Entrance -- Bill Cunningham, who rode his bicycle on stage.

The Don King Hair Award -- Isaac Mizrahi.

The Pile It High Awards -- Iman, Sarah Jessica Parker, Veronica Webb and Monica Lynch. Hollywood hair rules in Manhattan.

The Fowl Fashion Award -- Holly Brubach and her strange black feathered Romeo Gigli.

The Pay the Piper Award -- Hearst Magazines, who got all the thanks a half-million bucks will buy. It got rather tiring -- not to mention tacky.

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