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Global movers and shakers prefer to do things at rapid-fire speed. It was all the more surprising, then, that the Fashion Group International’s “Globalists”-themed Night of Stars on Thursday dragged along at a snail’s pace. Perhaps Mayor Michael Bloomberg should be singled out as the culprit. He was scheduled to present Evelyn Lauder with her Humanitarian Award, and the award ceremony hinged on his arrival at 9:30 p.m. That’s late for an event of this nature, even for the night owls among the fashion audience. The fact that some presenters droned on didn’t help the situation.

As in previous years, it was up to emcee Simon Doonan to lighten the mood. In his opening remarks, he gave every honoree a “Jersey Shore” nickname.

This story first appeared in the November 1, 2010 issue of WWD. Subscribe Today.

And so star honoree Albert Kriemler became “Tan Jovi,” Jack McCollough, “The Condition” and Lazaro Hernandez, “Bones.” Diego Della Valle is now “The Triceps”; Evelyn Lauder, “Pookie”; Pierre Cardin, “The Impact”; Nina Garcia, “The Paris Hilton of Trenton” and superstar honoree Nicolas Ghesquière, “The Prince of Paramus.” Glen Senk’s was deemed “too horrid to read out loud,” Doonan said.

All this had the audience, which included Kate Bosworth, Leighton Meester, Jennifer Connelly and Marisa Berenson, in stitches.

Bloomberg redeemed himself a little by keeping his remarks light. “I’d be even more delighted if I had won this year’s Fashion Superstar award,” he said. “I have great faith in the Emmy Awards’ voters who will probably not overlook my recent dynamic performance on ‘Project Runway.’” Screen moments must have also been a cue for Calvin Klein, who said that Frédéric Fekkai was “like Warren Beatty in ‘Shampoo,’ but with a better accent. For those of you who know who Warren Beatty is.”

Those who didn’t had the next best thing on hand — Richard Gere — whose remarks on Della Valle made several Saks Fifth Avenue executives smile. “I think I just bought 26 percent of Saks, so Diego and I now have 51 percent,” Gere said. “The check’s in the mail.”

He recalled how Della Valle once gave him a pair of pebble-sole brown suede shoes. “They have those little nipples on them on the bottom, and you know how the nipples go very quickly,” Gere said.

He accepted his presentation duties on the condition of a new pair of shoes, which he paraded for the audience.

Speaking of Nipplegate, the photographers went wild for Daphne Guinness, who arrived fashionably late in an ensemble that left nothing to the imagination. After dinner, the heiress whipped out her own Polaroid camera and started taking snapshots of those at her table, including Akris’ Kriemler, photographer Steven Klein and Valerie Steele.

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