Dork of the Night — Richard Avedon. And by the way, Richard, a crotch shot is a crotch shot, even if it is styled by Polly Mellen.
The Drop-Dead Award — Sigourney Weaver in her red velvet Richard Tyler, and Stephanie Seymour in Chanel.
The $64-Million-Chair Award — Linda Wachner, who sat next to Calvin Klein.
Launch-of-the-Year Award — k.d. lang, who wore the vinyl ankle boots she designed and plans to market.
In Lieu of a Fee Award — Fabien Baron, who designs the CFDA’s programs.
Funniest Speech Award — Rosie O’Donnell, who showed up because she thought “the CFDA was the Cystic Fibrosis Disease Association.”
The Very Civil Disobedience Award — PETA, for protesting so discreetly, hardly anyone knew they were there.
Hippest Post – Show Hangout — Cafe Tabac, where Christy Turlington, k.d. Lang, Naomi Campbell, Johnny Depp and Kate Moss sat drinking champagne until the early hours.
Best Line of the Night — Fran Lebowitz, who said of pal Calvin, “Luckily he didn’t come to me for the money.”
Nostalgia Award — Judith Leiber, who said of a handbag, “This was done the year the Sputnik went up.”
Equal Opportunity Award — Lesbian Chic ruled the stage.
Stupidest Award — The sneaker. Every athletic shoe company was represented … the CFDA must be trolling for dollars.
Silliest Interlude — The CFDA, for congratulating itself ad nauseam for Seventh on Sixth.
The Get the Hook Award — Stan Herman. The CFDA’s two-minute speech limit obviously didn’t apply to the president.
Most Revealing Video — John Bartlett’s, directed by Claudio Droguett. It had more male nudes than the Show Palace.
The Camp Award — Polly Mellen, who in perfect sex-kitten dialect, observed, “I’m probably the oldest sittings editor in the world.”
Cutest Entrance — Bill Cunningham, who rode his bicycle on stage.
The Don King Hair Award — Isaac Mizrahi.
The Pile It High Awards — Iman, Sarah Jessica Parker, Veronica Webb and Monica Lynch. Hollywood hair rules in Manhattan.
The Fowl Fashion Award — Holly Brubach and her strange black feathered Romeo Gigli.
The Pay the Piper Award — Hearst Magazines, who got all the thanks a half-million bucks will buy. It got rather tiring — not to mention tacky.